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Sunday, May 10, 2009
I never thought this could happen, but watching Whale Wars on Animal Planet makes me want to kill whales. It isn't that I have anything against whales, nor do I support the whaling industry. I just can't stand the crew of the Sea Shepherd, starting with its captain, Paul Watson.
For those unfamiliar with this series, or the issue of modern whaling, international laws forbid commercial whaling. Small indigenous tribes are allowed to kill a limited number of whales for consumption, but large-scale whaling is off limits... except for the use of scientific research. And that's the rub. Several countries have used that loophole to hunt whale for supposedly scientific purposes. The law says that you have to use up the entire whale, so whatever's left over after science picks out its share is sold legally as whale meat. The fact that almost all the nations conducting scientific research on whales happen to have a history of consuming whale meat is, I'm sure, just a coincidence.
Greenpeace does its part by sailing next to whaling vessels and holding up snarky signs. Paul Watson, co-founder of Greenpeace, felt they weren't doing enough. He was asked to leave the organzation in the '70s for promoting more militant action against the whaling industry. He responded by founding the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society, a group dedicated to stopping commercial whaling.
In Whale Wars, the crew of the Sea Shepherd track down whaling ships in the Antarctic and procede to throw glass bottles of Butyric acid onto the deck of the whaling boat, attempt to board a whaling boat to sabotage its equipment, attempt to board another boat to issue a "UN warrant" and generally harass the whalers into submission.
The first problem with the mission of the Sea Shepherd is that while the crew's goal is made clear--the cessation of all commercial whaling--it's shruggingly vague how these people believe their actions will bring about that end. This is one ship harassing five boats--five boats that comprise one fleet out of many fleets from one nation out of many nations that hunt whale. Mind you, the mentality of this crew is like an on/off switch. There's no middle ground as far as they're concerned, and no such thing gradual achievement. They never once state that they're just one small ship doing what they can to take steps toward their goals. No, they are convinced they are, through this very line of action, going to stop whaling all by themselves.
But, I think, grand ideas are how things get done, so maybe it isn't fair to criticize a group of people just for dreaming big. Then I watch them in action. First, they plan a mission to take an inflatable motorboat over to one of the whaling vessels and board it. The mission fails when they collectively discover they were heading in the wrong direction all night. One of the whaling vessels discovers the position of the Sea Shepherd, worrying the guardians of whales everywhere. See, if this whaling boat broadcasts the coordinates of the Sea Shepherd to the rest of the whaling fleet, they'll all just keep their distance from the Sea Shepherd and hunt whales with abandon. Now, it strikes me that if your mission is to harass and impede boats from whaling, and that this mission requires you to be within boarding--and in some cases even throwing--distance of the other boat, and your mission can be wholely neutralized simply by the enemy's awareness of your presence, then perhaps you had a problem of strategy before ever setting sail. But that's just me. So now the Sea Shepherd wants to board the whaling vessel and destroy the communications equipment. Mind you, anyone who's been out to sea--or those like me who just watch a lot of Deadliest Catch, knows that a ship in the middle of the ocean without communications equipment is in jeopardy. If anything goes wrong, they can't call for help and the crew risks dying at sea. But, nevermind that. See, it doesn't matter, because the mission never got underway. They had too many people on board the inflatable motorboat when they quick-released it into the water. It flipped over as soon as it hit the sea, spilling its occupants into the ocean and turing the sabotage mission into a rescue mission.
During that same incident, the hook holding the raft hit a blade on the helicopter. Experts told the crew not to fly it, but dammit! there are whales to save! So they fly it anyway, keeping within visual range of the Sea Shepherd so the boat can come rescue the pilot in case the copter crashes. You know, that's if he survives the impact of the crash.
Clearly, the crew's biggest enemy is not the whalers, but their own incompetence. It doesn't help that the ship is filled with young crusaders, their heads filled with more ideals than experience at sea. No one, least of all Paul Watson, appears concerned that this boat is staffed by people who have no idea how to work a boat. And no one has the first clue just how dangerous any of this is. After the second failed attempt to get the inflatable into the water, two crew members are sitting in the cabin giggling over how this was like a game of battleship. Mind you, several of their crew mates almost died. Later, the Sea Shepherd is hiding from a whaling boat's sonar among ice bergs (again, your short-term goal is to go right up next to whaling boats and harass them, and yet if you expose yourself to them, they'll broadcast your position and render you ineffective--how is this a good plan?), and one of the crew members is giddy that this is exactly--exactly, he claims--how Han Solo hid the Millenium Falcon from the Imperial fleet in Empire Strikes Back.
Finally, a third mission to take the raft and board a vessel is successful. This time they... deliver a warrant from the UN. Of course, the UN doesn't sanction this organization's mission, nor do they--as far as I know during my semester studying there--issue warrants. At least they didn't write the warrant up with crayon. And, why, exactly, have you risked people's lives to deliver a piece of meaningless paper? In any case, the whaling boat took them prisoner, and the Sea Shepherd claimed they kidnapped their crew members.
It doesn't help that the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society loses credibility at every turn. It claims that it has sunk eight vessels and has rammed several others into retirement. The claim has never been verified, and seems unlikely. The Sea Shepherd is a small ship compared to these whaling vessels. There's nothing to indicate its bow has been reinforced for ramming purposes, and ramming two large ships would cause heavy damage to all involved, even the ship doing the ramming. Even if the Sea Shepherd didn't sink from the ramming, it's hard to see how the organization could have paid for the repairs. At one point in the series, a $100,000 repair job almost ends the season because the group doesn't have the money to pay for it (the day is saved by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and their checkbook... no, seriously). Reports are that the Sea Shepherd's most recent mission came to an end when they ran out of money to pay for fuel. So it defies reason that they could have rammed all those ships and had enough on the books at the end of the day.
In the final episode, the commercial whaling vessel fights back against the acid bottle attacks by throwing flash bangs at the Sea Shepherd. Paul Watson steps into the bridge and announces he's been shot. He pulls out a badge he wears under a bullet proof vest--you know, my son got a badge just like that when he was five. Embedded in the tin is a slug. Everyone aboard is angered that the whaling vessel would shoot Paul, though not surprised. I, on the other hand, find it terribly surprising. The most surprising thing is that they managed to shoot Paul without him feeling the impact of the bullet (he claims he didn't know he was shot until he went back inside the bridge) and that the bullet somehow phased through Paul's jacket, which was zipped up and had no entry holes from the round.
Clearly, Paul Watson has some bitterness towards Greenpeace--and you have to wonder who he hates more, his former organization or the whalers. In return, Greenpeace doesn't sanction the Sea Shepherd's actions, and at one point, refuses to give the them the coordinates of a whaling vessel it (Greenpeace) has discovered. Mind you, for several episodes, Watson had been trash-talking Greenpeace, talking about how unworthy and inadequate they were, but apparently Greenpeace is good enough to pimp for information when the Sea Shepherd needs it. This sort of fanaticism that pushes everyone into the categories of enemies and.,. well, it's really just enemies and themselves, doesn't endear this crew to the hearts of viewers. Then there's that lack of perspective. One woman dramatically claims she's so angry she can't speak--referring to a whaling vessel tracking their whereabouts, that's just the tracking vessel; imagine how she feels about the ones actually doing the whaling! Of course, her ability to speak never leaves her, and she prattles on for several more minutes.
To top it off, a distinct tone of racism rings throughout each episode. The whaling boats they're chasing originate in Japan. During the entire series, the crew of the Sea Shepherd, Watson included, refer to them as the Japanese--not the whalers, not even the Japanese whalers, just the Japanese. When they talk about the evils of whaling in general, they speak of the Japanese, even though several nations, including a few Scandinavian ones, hunt whale. They speak of Japanese culture and how it supports and fosters the murder, as they call it, of innocent whale. At one point, while talking to the Japanese whale boat on the radio, Watson asks them where their samurai spirit went. Even in feudal Japan that would have been a ridiculous question to ask anyone who wasn't in the samurai caste--in other words, to almost every Japanese person.
All in all, this is a show about a bunch of people who don't seem to have much more going on in their lives. They're looking more for some purpose in their lives than saving whales. At one point, over half the crew leaves after Watson declares the Sea Shepherd will, from that point on, be a dry boat--people, I'm not making any of this up. And Watson comes off more as someone trying to prove his old organization wrong than as someone sincere in his cause. If you're bored and feeling like you need a reason to support killing innocent whales, just watch this self-absorbed, inept bunch try to steer a boat. Imagine the self-centeredness of Rachel from friends, mix in the bumbling idiocy of Benny Hill, add a sprinkle of the East Asian racism of Charlie Chan and throw in the danger of Deadliest Catch, and you have Whale Wars.
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